Are your goals really your own?
Comparison and goals … Are your goals really your own?
After looking back on some journal entries and goals in the past I found that some of my goals were based on the opinions of others and what THEY wanted me to achieve. For instance: sales goals .. money or even romance goals with my hubby โ dating… time we spend together.
I also remember that I did not always meet all those goals and some of them I changed partially thru the year. However, the goals I met and had fun doing were actually mine!
Some of my past goals I set because I wanted to make someone else happy or I found myself comparing myself to someone else and what they had. No, I do not think it is bad to long for something better and to have goals that stretch you but you need to make sure they are your own and that it is something you really want to have, be, do.
I remember one year I decided I want to paint as well as a friend. So I made the goal of painting more and bigger projects. The problem was that I was comparing my painting to that of my friend. I did enjoy it to a point but I was still not fully enjoying it as much as she was, I actually found it to be more of a chore or race to see who could paint the most or grandest project. But, she always won. The other thing you should know is that she did not have little children at home like I did and she had several more years’ experience. This goal led me to constantly compare myself, my talents, and skill with someone that I should not have been comparing myself too.
I must admit that I did learn a lot and I did paint many projects, but the best thing I learned was to stop comparing myself to her. This comparison led to self- doubt, negative self-talk, and overall frustration. These are all opposite of what you are supposed to be feeling as you accomplish your goals, let alone on a daily basis.
I bring this topic up because I found many more instances in my past goal setting years where I did similar comparisons and found myself unhappy and goals unmet. In fact, I also thought I failed at setting goals… oh man, I was so hard on myself. I constantly had a struggle of setting goals and having them… “come true”. As if they were supposed to happen by magic. I watched the movie the Secret and I just thought I had to declare what I want and then I would get it. โ that is s a little true but there is so much more…
Some questions that were emailed in:
- Please advise how I would remedy my tendency to always comparing myself to other women, especially feeling inferior, but also feeling jealous of those who are ahead of me professionally.
- How do I stop comparing myself to other people? It’s almost like a knee jerk reaction. I was often compared to others when growing up and it mostly left me feeling “not good enough,” which is what it still does to me. Although I have the head knowledge, and I’m aware that I do it, I still am having trouble not doing it to myself. I frustrate myself with this.
There were THREE major things wrong with my thinking and that of those who compare when making goals:
- I needed to write my goals for myself and no one else. I needed to have a clear picture of what I wanted without comparing myself to another.
- I needed to take action on my goals.
Let me explain this one a little more. Many years ago I was in a sales position. My manager HELPED me write my sales goal for the year. I was already doing quite well and really enjoyed it. But the lofty goals set by my manager made me hate my job and took the fun out of it. I was spending way to much time working and neglecting my family. It took several months to realize what I had done and why I was not enjoying myself any longer. I had to take a step back and re-evaluate what was important and what I wanted. Needless to say, I re-wrote some goals and got my life back. My manager was not too pleased with my new decisions so I found myself with a new company that supported my desires and goals of work and family balance. That was a hard lesson to learn. I had to take action on all of my goals not just the financial/ business goal. I needed to stay focused on my #1 responsibility at the time was my family. I took action to get my life balanced again.
#3 โ I had to belief in myself enough to trust that I could achieve my goals and do whatever I wanted. This was not always easy for me as I have not always had self- confidence. It is a constant thing I have to work on.
Whether you have low confidence of high confidence is a direct result of how we care for and love ourselves. It has nothing to do with what others think of. As a matter of fact, did you know that most people are so busy thinking about themselves that they do not have time to think about you (unless they are thinking what you think of them) I’ve worked with hundreds of people that are good looking, rich, smart, and cleaver and more but think they were not good enough. If appearance, status, performance and approval are what create self-worth and self-confidence, then they would have felt great about themselves.
The reason they continued to believe they were not good enough is because they were judging themselves based on their external, qualities of appearance and performance, rather than valuing their authentic and enduring internal qualities. As long as they were judging themselves, they continue to follow the pattern of low self-esteem, and as long as they didn’t feel worthy, they continued to compare themselves to others.
The more you learn to love and value your unique body, strengths, values, brain, intuitiveness the less you will find yourself comparing yourself to others. You must love yourself! You will know that, not only is your worth not dependent on the outer qualities of looks and performance, but that you are a completely unique expression of the yourself. There is only one you.
You are incomparable!
What I do to keep up my confidence.
The 4 must do every day! (there is no time limit, rather do what works for you)
Personal Development- read a good book, learn something new, stretch and uplift your mind
Spiritual- pray, meditate, read scripture
Physical- Get your body moving- walk/run, aerobics, yoga, spin, gym time
Time to self- take some time for yourself to just think, dream, design your life
PLUS- 1x weekly- something just for me. This does not have to cost money.
As you move forward…
So set some meaningful goals for YOURSELF (change some if you feel now you need to) Make 2017 whatever you want it to be and remember:
The more you learn to love and value your unique body, strengths, values, brain, intuitiveness the less you will find yourself comparing yourself to others. You must love yourself! You will know that, not only is your worth not dependent on the outer qualities of looks and performance, but that you are a completely unique expression of the yourself. There is only one you.
You are incomparable!
With Love,
Jodi
