Is There A Difference between Lovemaking and Sex?
For many of us, in the context of marriage, the words ‘lovemaking’ and ‘sex’ are used interchangeably. To many people, both words translate to taking the time to lock the bedroom door and spending some time together between the sheets.
But the quality of that time can make all the difference to a marriage, and while we often tout the need for making time for sexual activity with our spouse, it’s often unclear why some couples thrive and others wilt. Some couples spend years in a sexually active marriage, while others give up on sex a few years in, creating a vast, empty chasm that can feel nearly impossible to cross.
The difference? Sex and lovemaking, of course– the two very distinct concepts can play a vital role in how your marriage plays out, and knowing how they differ can ensure years of healthy, mutually beneficial fun.
About Sex
Sex is a physical activity, specifically designed for reproduction of the species, and engaged in in a variety of situations both inside a marriage and out for the purpose of providing a physical release– an orgasm.
There’s nothing wrong with sex for the sake of sex– there’s a lot to be said for avoiding sexual repression and all the nasty effects that come along with it– depression, anxiety, insomnia. The list becomes more and more unpleasant as it goes on.
To have sex with another human being, you don’t need to be in love with them, you don’t need to admire them on any level other than perhaps the physical, and you don’t need to spend time outside the sexual act cultivating any lasting bond or nurturing anyone’s psyche.
It is, quite simply, just sex.
Lovemaking
Lovemaking, however, is a completely different idea. This is a concept on which bonds are forged, worlds are built– lovemaking opens us up for long-term fulfillment, mutual happiness and admiration, and strong, healthy connections that can last a lifetime.
Lovemaking takes place through the union of the physical bodies, but it also takes place in the mind, the psyche, the spirit. Love is made through touch, through language– those murmured words of devotion as our lover takes time to worship the feel of our skin– lovemaking reminds us of all the ways and reasons that we are adored, venerated, exalted.
It can be quite a rush.
But for many in our instant-gratification, over-busy Western lives, lovemaking is a lost art. What passes for lovemaking these days is really just sex– a few hours (or minutes) stolen in the bedroom on a Saturday night once the kids are in bed where we quickly get off before falling into an exhausted slumber.
Lovemaking is not about finding the quickest path to physical release before getting on with the dishes or finishing up the work we brought home– lovemaking is about truly investing the time to communicate both verbally and non-verbally to our lovers just how much we adore them.
In this context, it could be argued that lovemaking takes place both in and out of the bedroom– that in a truly loving relationship, love is made all the time through our expressions of love, but that’s a topic for another time.
So yes, there is a vast difference between sex and lovemaking, and discovering it for yourself may just be the healthiest thing you’ve ever done for your marriage.
You Deserve A Love Life You Love,
Jodi Harman
